Gratitude Day 20: company

Prompt:  Do I enjoy my own company?

I believe so. Well. Let me take that back. I enjoy myself sometimes. I think that is the more appropriate and realistic answer.

There have been several times when I've told Devonte, that I would rather have company than be in the house by myself. But on the flip side if you ask me to study with you...You'll get a smooth deflection. So yes, at times I enjoy my own company. Especially when there are things/tasks that I need to accomplish. I think that's the essential part in the answer. I need to be doing something if I'm going to be by myself. It takes my mind off of the actuality of being by myself. Also yes at times, I do not enjoy my own company.

Now in writing that out...that actually sounds

TERRIBLE.

Do I really not enjoy my own company when I'm by myself doing nothing?

But here's the thing. I don't think that I've grown up to be like that. To be by myself. I had a brother that I spent time with when I was younger, I went to school...which lets face it...you're always near other people, joined the military (again...not the type of place where you find yourself alone) and then I joined a sorority. So there wasn't a time that I was ever truly alone to figure out how to be comfortable in my own silence or to enjoy my own company.

Maybe this question was what I needed to start being more cognizant of being okay with being just by myself.

I think I wrote about this when I was in London as well. That I was starting to feel that I didn't have enough human connection while I was across the pond. But that's a human emotion, right? To want human connection...even in my Psychology Class we talk about even 500 years ago (this is just a random number to elude to the prehistoric time period) we traveled and lived in packs. It was a survival tactic.

So what does this actually mean? What does it mean that there are times that I'm not comfortable in my own company? Does this fall in the category of the saying:

"If you don't love yourself, how can you love other people?"

How do you get to the point of enjoying your own company?

I think another issue is that ...I'm always busy. I always have something due whether that's schoolwork, flyers, or something with Zeta. I'm always busy...so when would I ever be idle and doing nothing other than when I'm sleeping?

Abigale Godwin